I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
