i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
