Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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