I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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