that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
