..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
