My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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