He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
birth control should be required to get into college
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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