i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
