I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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