if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
