I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
