if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
