just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
50% drunk capacity currently
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
