You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize