Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
