They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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