The maid of honor just puked.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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