Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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