curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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