she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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