Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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