one might say we're banned from that church
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
