Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize