I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
