I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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