Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize