we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
