Pants 0. Shit 1.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
