Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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