Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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