I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
