hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and you said cock pushups were impossible
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
