I wish my penis had an off switch
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
