I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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