just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
