ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
