She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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