So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize