so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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