i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
