You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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