8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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