I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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