You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
