I am puke
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
