I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize