I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
