allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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