I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
