im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
