I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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