We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
