I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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