I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
