Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
