Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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