I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
