i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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