You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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