I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
