I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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