Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
