I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
