Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
