I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
