I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
