Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
