90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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