I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
