I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
