i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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