Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
