There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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