As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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