My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Every concussion has its silver lining
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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