They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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