I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There r osticjed everywhere
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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