Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
